Add your Blog

Choosing Cyberspace Over Hot Sex?

Which do you prefer?

A new study suggests we crave social media more than sex. It doesn't have to be that way...

CBS New York's Jennifer McLogan reported recently that "[t]he hardest desires to resist seem to be social networking sites, not sexual relationships," adding, "While the urge for sex is stronger, people are more likely to give in to the desire [for] social media."

A University of Chicago study showed that "250 participants identified yearnings to interact through tweets, photos and comments as the most difficult stimulants to turn down. More tempting even, than sex."

Many in the study said: "The Internet is cheaper and more instantaneous than sex and relationships." Furthermore, the study also showed that "the more the participants tried to resist social media, the higher the craving became."
A good friend and University of Chicago alum had this to say: "The study is obviously skewed because that school houses more geeks than you care to imagine." Perhaps so, but the study probably sounds like good news to the parent of a child on the way to college.

When I was growing up, my parents would never leave me alone in the house for a second, except for the rare occasion when my best friend's parents went away for a few days and then we were able to take full advantage. What were they thinking? Lucky for me, my parents never found out, though, aside from the few select boys we allowed into her pool parties, we were pretty innocent compared to today's teen. We had not been exposed to a gazillionth of what is available to kids today.

If you take this study to heart, and youíre a parent, then perhaps thereís a lot less to worry about these days, and you can feel free to trot off to Tanzania at a moment's notice, leaving your teenagers home to water the plants, feed the dog, and house sit. Maybe not quite...

However, according to stories Iíve heard from couples Iíve seen in relationship counseling, the University of Chicago study makes more sense than you might imagine. It caused me to reflect: what is it about cyberspace that could interrupt a naturally healthy, intimate life together?

Here are five reasons why people might choose cyberspace over real interactions:

1. You feel less self-conscious in cyberspace. People get away from their personal thinking, more often, when they're immersed in otherís thoughts in cyberspace.

2. You can find people like you in cyberspace. People can locate others with the same opinion on anything, in cyberspace, whereas their partner is sure to have different opinions on (possibly, most) things.
Doesn't everyone secretly want to marry an opposite sexed clone? Some people may say they don't, but deep down inside, I'll bet it's the same for everyone (I could be wrong, but...) Doesn't it seem as though life would be easier and we'd get a whole lot more done if in fact we could hook up with someone just like us?

3. No one in cyberspace will judge you ... and if they do, you can just x them out or unfriend them. How convenient is that? A sure fire way to gain acceptance no matter what? Who wouldn't want that experience?

4. You can be whoever you want to be in cyberspace. You can show your best self or even your fantasy self if youíre on a dating site, but life with another is not so controllable. I wonder if its human nature to want to live out a fantasy, be part of a fairy tale, creates the life you want.

5. Cyberspace lets you escape from reality. The cyberspace experience is pure fantasy, partnering is pure reality ó actually not so "pure." "Personal" reality is more accurate, but what if...

1. People could get out of their own thinking while they were with their partner? Wouldn't that make a difference?

2. Your partner's different opinions intrigued you instead of angered you? Wouldn't that make life more interesting and fun?

3. You and your partner appreciated one another and understood the dangers of judgment? That sure would make for a more loving environment.

4. You and your partner exhibited compassion when you were not operating from your best selves? To feel understood must be the best feeling in the known universe.

5. You realized that your "personal reality" is actually fantasy anyway. It's all an illusion brought to us by our ability to think (imagine) and to be conscious of that which we think up!